chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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