I just threw up on my dentist
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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