her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
