i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
