I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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