Screwed.edu
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
