i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
