I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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