he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
