If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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