i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
