Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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