Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Walk of Shame today included voting.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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