All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
