He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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