hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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