Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
