after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
