how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
