K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
