when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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