and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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