You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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