His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
