careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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