This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
