your room smells of hookers.
And success
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
