We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
