it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
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