and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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