Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
