Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
