im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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