Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
