All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
