drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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