Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
