Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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