I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
nutella sex= disaster
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
