i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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