Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
this boner is exhausting
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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