I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
