I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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