the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
