we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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