i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
