My underwear smells like fireworks.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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