the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
