I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
