I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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